Saturday, January 24, 2009

Local Man Quits Smoking, Becomes Douche Bag


Aaron Carruthers (28) has been annoying the hell out of friends and acquaintances ever since he gave up cigarettes three weeks ago. "He's like all high and mighty now," Kyle Witherspoon (30) said of coworker Carruthers. "We'll be outside on break trying to catch a smoke and Aaron will come out and say shit like 'you're all just slaves to that leaf.' Then he gets this shit-eating grin on his face like he's so great because he kicked the habit." Experts believe Carruthers is suffering from what is known as Reformed Smoker Syndrome in which the former tobacco addict replaces the nicotine in his/her system with an inflated sense of self-accomplishment. "He even quotes cancer statistics and mortality rates," Witherspoon continued. "What an asshole. He was much cooler when he had a two pack a day habit."



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